It was instant attraction, and now the thrill was gone! The screams of little Andy woke Tom up. It was and Tom cursed under his breath. He only just put the child back in the cot, thirty minutes ago. Was he hungry again or was he still hungry? He turned to look at Anne, lying motionless beside him. He knew she was awake, only pretending.

Well, she could pretend all she wanted. Two could play at the game. There was no way he was going to get up this time. He pulled the covers over his head and turned away. It didn’t help. Andy was just ten weeks old. There was no way he would go back to sleep without getting some attention.

Tom peeked from under the covers at his wife. She was still motionless. He couldn’t take it anymore. Tom rose from the bed and shook his wife’s arm.

“The baby needs attention” he grunted.

If she heard him, Anne gave no indication. She rolled away from Tom and cuddled a pillow. Tom could feel anger rising from deep within him. How he hated his wife. What kind of a mother would not wake up at the cry of her own child?

Tom reached for Anne and yanked at her.

“What in the world?” Anne yelled, pulling away from him.

“Andy needs some attention” Tom stated, barely controlling his anger.

“Why don’t YOU give him some attention?” Anne screamed angrily. I’ve been up half the night. Aren’t I entitled to some sleep too?”

Jumping off the bed, she stormed out of the room slamming the door after her, leaving Tom completely dumb founded.

Andy’s cries were getting louder and as he reached for him, Tom wondered what he had gotten himself into. It was downright impossible to please Anne.

Out of the room and in the kitchen, Anne sat sobbing quietly. To say she was fed up would be an understatement. She couldn’t believe that Tom was the out-going, go-lucky fellow she had gotten married to, some fourteen months ago. The fellow in the bed room was a disorganized, selfish, self-centered child.


The scene between Anne and Tom at their flat in Surrey quays SE 11 London, is constantly being replayed in the wee hours of the morning all over the world, from Cape- town to Toronto and from Beijing to Rio.

Two thirds of couples who swore they couldn’t live without each other, can no longer live with each other, a few months down the road!

Anne and Tom met on the Underground at Victoria Station. For them, it was love at first sight. You see, Anne is what psychologists refer to as Melancholy while Tom is what is known as Sanguine. The melancholy is reserved, an introvert and a perfectionist; the Sanguine is out going, an extrovert and a care free person. And, you are right, that’s as different as you can be.

So why did they hook up?

Well, it’s simple really. Opposites attract. In most cases, people are attracted to the strengths of others, which in reality are their own weaknesses. The introvert is attracted to the extrovert and the outgoing is attracted to the reserved. The truth however, is that while we are attracted to the strengths of others, we get married to their weaknesses as well.

Most couples fail to realize that we often don’t really see the weaknesses in our spouses when we are still dating.  Experts say it takes about fifteen months after marriage for the love bug to die and for couples to then begin to see themselves as they really are.

So where do we go from here?

Well, get real, my friend. Angels are not in the dating game. The solution is not to ditch your partner and get a new and improved one. You’ll not find a perfect match anywhere. You see, everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

Apart from the fact that you won’t find a perfect partner anywhere, you have to realize that you’ll not find anyone who will agree with you, all the time. God wired us all different. Hey, no two human are identical.

In the first place, men and women are different. In the second place, we are all a product of our experiences, environments and programming in life. When two people who grew up in different environments, with different experiences and different programming hook up, well, there are bound to be some sparks, sometimes.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learnt in life is simply this. Different isn’t always wrong. The fact that your partner sees things different doesn’t mean that either of you is wrong. It’s possible sometimes, that you’re both right.

My advice to young couples a lot of times is that they learn about and then understand their partner’s temperament, so they can know why the partner acts the way they do.

For example, a Sanguine is quick to forget his mistakes and move on. A melancholy has the memory of an Elephant and doesn’t forget or forgive easily. The Sanguine loves starting projects but is quick to abandon them. The melancholy dreads starting projects but when the project gets started, it must be completed. The sanguine makes friends easily but is mostly not in it for the long haul. The melancholy hardly makes friends but when he does, he is a faithful friend. The Sanguine is often given to hugging and touching, the Melancholy really isn’t.

You see, sometimes, your partner may just be behaving true to type. They may not be out to hurt or frustrate you. Sometimes, they may not even know why you’re hurt or upset! You may even tell them what they did wrong and they just don’t get it! It happens.

So how does it all add up?

Relax. Couples are supposed to complement each other. God designed couples like two halves and that’s why they need each other. This is why the Bible talks about two becoming one in marriage.

Learn about your partner’s temperament and then  you can take advantage of your partner’s strengths and let them take advantage of your strengths. Stop complaining about their weaknesses. Help them where they’re weak, it’s your job to complement them, not compete with them. Hey, you are not perfect. Isn’t it downright unfair to expect your partner to be perfect?

What do you think?

Please leave your comments. Thank you!