What Do You Really Want?

“I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY,” Gloria sobbed, holding a wet handkerchief close to her face.

I looked at her pink, tear stained face and felt really sorry for her. Her problems were more serious than she thought. She had just discovered that her sweet-heart, Tom, was married. They had dated for some six months and Gloria was now head over heels in love.

Tom had been quite a charmer. Cards, chocolates, flowers, the works. Gloria had a flowery box filled with love poems written on perfumed stationery by her bed side at home. She had lived on cloud nine for those enchanting six months.

Just when she was expecting Tom to propose, he had cooled off suddenly. Not hearing from him for about a week, a confused Gloria had gone to his place to find out just what was going on. She had left uncountable messages on his answering machines. It was so unlike Tom not to get back to her in about an hour after getting her messages.

The door was answered by a little boy who looked like he was spewed out of Tom’s mouth. Gloria stood, too stunned to speak. As she tried to blurt out something, a mountain of a woman appeared behind the boy and asked her, rather rudely, what her business was.

‘Is Tom at home?’ She managed to ask, fearing the worst.

‘And who might you be?’ The woman grunted, murder written all over her.

‘Just a friend,’ Gloria heard herself respond. In her mind, she had wanted to say ‘I’m his girl friend are you his mother?

‘Well, I’m his wife, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep away from him!’ The woman roared and slammed the door shut.

Gloria clung unto the railings as she made her way down the stairs. She felt so weak, she feared she might collapse on the stairs. Tom, married? Was she having a bad dream?

How could he be married? She had slept in that flat for three days at a stretch, sometimes. He had no wedding band on and she never saw any photographs in the house. Perhaps that should have made her suspicious, she reasoned, but Thomas? Her sweet, charming Thomas?

Gloria sat in her car and reached for her phone. There had to be a mistake. She dialed Frank’s number. Frank was one of Tom’s friends and had become quite friendly with her.

‘ Gloria?’

Gloria could sense that he was a bit reserved. Not as lively as his usual self. She didn’t waste any time on pleasantries.

‘Is Tom married?’

There was a long pause before Frank answered.

‘Well, he is. I thought you knew!’

Gloria couldn’t believe her ears as she cut the call. He thought she knew? What sort of girl did he think she was?

She dropped the phone on the seat beside her and burst into tears. Why was she always ending up with the short end of the stick? She wondered. Am I destined to go to my grave a Spinster? She wondered aloud.

Well, Gloria took the whole thing rather badly and became quite withdrawn. A close friend of hers booked an appointment for her to see me and practically dragged her down.

Her major problem as far as I could see, after hearing her story, was a common one. She had never really figured out  what kind of relationship she wanted. She just wanted to be happy.

Well, so just what is being happy?

Happy is a relative word. What makes you happy might make someone else very sad. A masochist would consider a kind and considerate husband a real course for concern. Also, some women do not really like clinging husbands, believe it or not.

You should know what would make you happy in a relationship. You should know the kind of a home you want. Do you want a romantic, handsome, kind, rich and considerate husband? (Who doesn’t?)

Okay, what if you indeed find a guy with all the qualities listed above, but, he has a habit of not telling the truth, all the time? What if he believes that no man can be satisfied with just one woman? What if he learnt his charm from courting several women and he has no intention of finding another pastime?

Every woman wants what’s best for them, but sadly, most end up with the wrong guys.

When you meet a guy and it looks like things are getting serious, do you bring out your list and start cross checking to make sure he’s the real deal? Do you have a list of the qualities you desire in a man? On the other hand, do you believe that your type of man just doesn’t exist and you decide to compromise and “manage” that joker?

Let’s get one thing straight, if you don’t know what you want, you will not recognize him even if he shows up wearing a red hat and a green suit! If you want a happy relationship, you have to define what that translates to, in real terms for you. Then, you’ll have to be patient, really patient and wait for your type of man, even if it seems like it’s taking forever.

If your standard isn’t out of this world and you are okay yourself, I guarantee you, if you are patient, your love will show up someday. Happy waiting.

But if your standard for a knight in shinning Armour is unrealistic, well, good luck with your waiting. You may have to wait until Hell freezes over!